不進則退

不進則退... 這是真的, 因為人人在求進步, 神也是個天天做事的 神.... 不懈怠. 屬靈的道理也是這樣, 不追求, 就是在原地踏步, 甚至或是後退...... 最近覺得自己的屬靈生命就是這樣... @@ 天氣熱就昏昏沈沈的, 需要goals.... 工作希望能盡快有好消息, 有 神帶領去的工作環境.


媽咪今天下午12:30帶進去開刀, 注了嗎啡有昏昏睡睡得感覺, 不過感謝 神, 她這次沒有上次那麼痛了....... 媽咪好勇敢, 這是她第四次開刀了....... 我光上次牙齒開刀已經有壓力了, 好難想像媽咪可以開了四次 @@ 她今天還開懷無壓力似地跟護士說呢..... =p 早上我去看陳文毅醫師, 左腳凸起來的部份不算壞消息, 也因為等太久, 拿起好消息雜誌起來看, 看了幾個感人的見證.... 主持人的分享, 洪榮宏一家的見證, 還有幾個藝人的照片... 有些人都一直不知道是基督徒... 看來 神真是在娛樂界做奇妙的事... continuously! You are an awesome GOD! So.. I can entrust myself to One who judges justly.


對了 昨天忽然想到... "reap whatever you sow".... 好大的警醒.... what have I been sowing? what am I sowing?

保護自己

I'll start watch out for what I share w/ others... simply because... 有時話會傳到不需要知道的人, 而導致不必要的負面影響.... 以前只是覺得要坦白, 但是... 我發現到了個要保護自己的地步了....


要有技巧... 真的好難, 但是我真的要學習... 謝謝姐姐提醒! (:

啊~~~

我自認是很願意分享我自己比較私人事情的人..... 但是, 這不代表我的朋友可以隨意分享我的私人事情... @@ 今晚聽到個讓我極其傻眼的事情..... >< 啊~ 雖然在教會的環境裡有時很難避免, 但是... 仍是希望不隨便提別人的事情吧~~~~! 超傷腦筋....

呼召/Calling

Yes... I know the importance of discovering our callings... but, only one like me struggles so hard and yet still can't manage to find an answer! >< I understand that people probe such a question to get to know you; nevertheless, to respond in a definite and secure posture is real tough for me... for as long as I remembered whenever pastors/mentors had attempted to plug me into ministries. Am I deluding myself from what I deeply feel? Or is it rightly that God hasn't revealed the ULTIMATE purpose He has ordained when He made me? Argh.............. how I wish I just KNOW by instincts to my confusion, my never-solvable question~ Lord, please grant me the strength to dig into what You meant for me to understand, even if it takes time and steady effort... and help me to accept what by human effort can never accomplish, and gladly acknowledge it with obedience. 我能交托, 因為我深知那愛我的主, 是永不止息的愛. 主啊, 也幫助我能適時, 適當, 和祢的工作連結, 產生正確的回應!

Job hunt

I'm in the process of job hunting... decided to try educational-type of job for now. Sent out a few resumes, made a few phone calls... being one without any education background, after school & cram school seemingly are my only options... or thru network to get into public schools~ haha see how God provides...... FAITH! (:

留下美好的回憶

有些事情過了就不能回頭了... 時機真的就是不對, 所以也只能相信這也是 神的安排~ 昨天近半天還是忍不住惆悵了起來, 總覺得還想改變一些甚麼.... 可是好似就是這麼巧, 就是時機都沒有碰上, 就是堅持了自己所謂的原則, 就是按著自己當時的理解跟經歷判斷了那時最適合的處理方式, 而錯/經過了我自認為的"機會". 媽咪說有時讓事情就這樣過了, 反而是留下美好的回憶.....


默默期待我及身邊好友都有好的歸宿... 雖然我不能掌握時間, 但我能掌握自己的態度. 如果有機會再看到你時, 我倆的笑容希望能說明我們還是朋友. Lord, I cast my worries to You!
June 24, 1pm

AH

跟Amanda姐姐講到話, 粉開心的~ (: 雖然我們認識的時間算短, 但是卻很能聊... hehe 謝謝她很衷誠地分析事情, 雖然也是仍在摸索如何做是最好的, 但是是很真心的替我想... 她也總很專注看 神怎麼對她說話, 我想這點的細心是我要學習的. 願妳心所求所想得都能按著 神美好的時間, 為妳成就! (:

"就想賴著妳"心得

"就想賴著妳"看到目前 (episode 4), 只有一個感觸: 不要做花癡!

少一根筋

Kate是我身邊好友很明確說我少一根筋的... 其實出自朋友的口說這句話, 沒有任何的負面想法, 反倒... 有開心的感覺 haha 我是怪咖吧~ 可能覺得有人認識自己吧... 因為我多數給人精明, 利落, 果斷, 快速的感覺, 而只有好友才認識另一面的我... Li Li也是認識我的好友~ 可以說出我的不足跟我的強項... 其實越來越大後, 發現少一根筋的人...... 是幸福的~! 其實比起很多我的好友們, 我並不算是太少根筋的人 haha (這是實話 lol) 人跟不同的人會產生不同的互動跟chemistry, 所以人是要相處才知道的... 就像衣服一樣, 看都是不準的, 要試~~~~ 人呢, 也是一樣... 看和不和也是不準的, 要相處! haha 奇怪的比喻嗎? 互補的個性還是比較好的..... Amy教過我要看看我和的朋友們, 有哪些特質是我們很相符的, 可以用這個去看甚麼樣的男生適合 hoho.......... 可是聽完我還是覺得難.. 因為, again.... 人是要相處才知道的, 每個人都是獨特的個體, 很難拿某個部份來跟另一個人的某個特點來相比... 因為, 還是像獨一的DNA - 沒有一個人是一模一樣的! (: 就讓我自我發洩吧~~~~~ LoL


Love today's date: 6/17!

外換駕照

今天成功地外換我汽車的駕照了! 開心~! =D 星期一去高雄AIT辦事, 今天去監理站二度處理... 終於我爸不會唸我: "阿沒拿到駕照開車不會不安心喔~!" =p 可以光明正大的開始在台灣開車囉~~~~~! 明早要開始新的yoga課, 又是一個新的開始!


我的房間其實還不算OK, 因為還沒搬到屬於我的房間yet.... 帶回來沒有太多的東西, 但是有些小東西我還沒有整理, 為著就是想要一次在新的房間佈置. I thank God for placing Rita in my daily life in this stage in time... guess 'cause we're both still single in the family, we can accompany each other, and give advice when needed.... :) I truly hope she'll find the right one SOON! Lord, bless her~

端午節

端午節是全世界都關注的事嘛? 不過至少google關切了... LoL 雖然沒有現場去看划龍舟, 不過它讓台灣多數公司跟員工放假, 也算是讓大家喘口氣~ 我有很多的收成呢.... 去買了high heels, 裙子, 瑜珈衣服等等.... =D 有在做事才會覺得自己回來有在"動" - 有往"定下來"的方向前進~ 公司的事哥哥也建議我別急, 看來大家都很給我空間.... hehe


今晚跟程媽媽有比較多地聊, 她真的跟我媽咪很像.... 都是極熱情親切容易相處的媽媽~ ^^ I briefly mentioned about my dad's changes in Christ... thought it was a smooth transition to bring up this topic (: Praise the Lord! 台南的人情味真的就是重..... 或許我對於人情味有感到它壓力的地方, 但是它可愛之處還真的令人 (至少對我) 有"家"+"文化"的歸屬感.... 我相信我會越來越親身經歷台南的優, 也會因為認知上的加深, 捧它越來越多.... haha.

約3:30

約3:30 祂必興旺, 我必衰微. 這句經文在這週末主日聽到時, 真是我當時需要的.... also now!

My energetic & optimistic mom!

It's interesting knowing my mom reads my blog!! (: She's training her technology skills acquisition to a more advanced level.... and so she starts blogging (well, setup her blog) and reads my blog! lol My mommy is such an energetic lady... who's always psyched up no matter whatever she's doing, cooking, learning English, talking, waking me up, holding my hands while strolling, making appointments for her feet surgery, having casual talk with others.... all the time! She's such a joyful person~ (: I can envision myself becoming more like her over the years...


Am I living like a follower of Christ? Being authentic....? Not lately... Lord, show me what I need to change, and gimme the strength to change.... it's really a great msg from GEFC (thanks to my friend Samuel providing the link) - Finding Fresh Joy in God

Worldcup 2010

Graffiti by a winner from Taiwan I believe..... 2010!

就是醬~

A few friends constantly follow up my updates, which are very nice of them! :) I wish I have some good reports, but... so far they're just very ordinary changes. I cut my hair REALLY short (莫名的勇氣 =p haven't have a great shot yet... hence no displaying pic on fb), bought a pinky scouter & helmet (: Kinda started working at home, still exploring through what interests me or what I'm capable of in this alien industry @@). Finally my life is gradually subsiding to a settling phase... well, maybe after this Wed? Where I'll work everyday like a 'robot' ^^" (truly hope to find my role in this working environment... passionately OR getting a part-time job somewhere else and do it with passion?) ANYHOW, I try not to place too much passion before determination.. or before responsibility, whatever you call it to make a living. Though I still wish to make my future career/job so passionate, I don't wanna become a "strawberry generation" where I'm susceptible to pressures and intolerable to stress >< Gonna take care the affidavit of driver license tmr, then... mom's feet surgery and Joella's visit. Meanwhile.... I really hope to find a suitable church & small group. Can't stand wandering around like a lost child without resting in a church as if living in a spiritual home!!! Also... 屬靈同伴! ^^ 唯有 神的話可以使我不再覺得迷失... 所以, 之後也需要知道怎樣調整我的生活作息.... which in alignment with my principles. (:

Swimming class!

Never thought I would wanna pick up swimming again... it has never been my favorite sports/exercise at any rate, but the ambition to lose weight has aspired me to overcome my water-phobia!! =p Praise God that I'm not alone in taking the lessons... my cousin Rita is joining me, yay! 非常不習慣跟在路地不同的呼吸方式 - 鼻子吐氣, 嘴巴吸氣. 目前開始了自由式跟仰式... 今天喝了比較多的水, 耳朵也覺得被水給淹沒了... 腿酸到不行~! 我之前自己玩仰式腿都像是在踩腳踏車一樣, 而這.... 是錯誤的!! @@ 我還覺得自己腳踩得快, 前進也快說... 結果一換成潑水式, 腿都覺得不是自己的了... ><

對了, 總算昨天去了夢寐以求的關子嶺享受景大的hot spring..... 超棒!!!!!! LoL 有好像11個不同的堂, 檜木池, 礦泥等... =D 好玩喔~~ 期待每個月都能去一次享受跟放鬆 haha

Perspectives

Was very privileged to have my mom as my listener this time. Used to be restrained from sharing much with her, but it was a constructive talk. I guess my mom is the ONLY person on the whole planet who thinks I'm not that heavy ^^" haha not the main point of our whole conversation, yet hearing a complete opposite viewpoint on things can really help me get things in perspective. One thing stood out was to NOT view things from the world's perspective... and often we, at least I, fall into this trap! ><


Plan an immense change... physically and strategically! :) Super exciting for the new changes!

自言自語

當初為了"敬拜主領"的網站開啓時, 才再次決定要開放遊覽我此blog的permission... 其實很掙扎, 因為覺得這個blog就像是我的日記, 我可以隨意倒我任何心裡的話, 而不擔心悶在心裡的話沒處訴說... 然而, 似乎當想要的兩方起衝突時, 我知道我需要做取捨了.. 想要讓worship/praise leadership的blog更生活化後, 難免免不了要攤開這一面的自己. 其實也只有關心的人才會往這裡看吧, 但還是忍不住心裡的小擔憂, 似乎仍想要一部份的想法, 只留給我願意分享的人看, 而不是大辣辣的公開化. 

我慢慢知道自己回來淺意識覺得不自在的點是甚麼了... (某方面的我是很後知後覺的... 只有個反應, 卻不知道那個反應是從何而來的). 大致上來說, 應該是我太熟悉之前國外的環境跟步調; 一切是那麼的在我的手中, 在我的計畫中進行. 大小事上, 不論是花多少時間&精力關心小組新朋友, 約老朋友關心碰面聊天, 慢步的時間與路線, 家裡所有文件上的處理, 享受邊聽音樂邊做面膜, 煮飯與不煮飯的自由, 一切所需的條理順序, 控制生活大小層面的主導權... 等等, 都是這麼的習慣跟自在, 所以即使是忙碌, 卻覺得忙得有條理, 有規矩. 而回來呢, 不再是一個人, 除了一家人, 還有公司, 大小親戚, 新環境... 悶熱的天氣讓我覺得衣服很緊, 所以之前沒特別覺得自己肥胖的這時, 也忍不住對身上的肉有很多的想法跟意見, 搞得很難開心起來... 吃也不敢吃. 想到處走走, 也在沒啥朋友的狀況下, 更是讓愛social的我覺得很受限. 雖然回來的一切都是要"重建", 卻覺得沒有之前擁有那樣的好起點.. 可能抱怨太多了... 所以, 證實了我極需要個能讓我成長及hold accountable的小組與教會.... I need spiritual covering!!!! ><

-人的過去真的無法改變了吧, 雖然很希望某部份的那個記憶能失去, 但是.. 夢裡又再次證明, 妳只能改變現在的自己, 不能改變自己的過去.
-期許下禮拜開始的游泳課, 能讓我改變些我能改變的.
-我沒有的東西是無法表現出來的, 所以.. 希望我能盡量表現出正常, 合宜的那一面, 特別在"對"的人面前....
-工作其實有時真的是一成不變的. 要學習在要做的事情上委身, 卻又持有夢想&願意調整, 更新的心意.
-回台灣要... 不怕麻煩! -> by far the hardest!
6.5.10 11:44pm

Insecurity

I guess only when I'm away I realized how vulnerable I am.... or how dependent I used to be in my comfortable surroundings. Though comparing to my brother, I'm considered quick to adapt to the new surroundings, I still find the process struggling... especially now that I recognized what a limited network I have in Tainan, I felt trapped; stuck inside the town that I neither felt familiar nor distant, it's a weird, mixed feelings of all kinds. I guess I've came this far to discover my insecurity, to admit... that I've relied on myself, my routines, my accustomed lifestyle back in Los Angeles for sooo long. Now's the time to examine my heart, my faith, my security... whether it's placed upon His unfailing love, His way of "life security."

Yes, I desperately need friends in Tainan, friends that I can speak to freely, friends that I can count on and vent about my emotions when I feel upset about the new culture, the new surroundings, or simply, me! Lord, lead me to find the suitable church, the church I can grow in as well contribute to. Lead me to make right decisions in prioritizing my time, my energy, and my future with an eternal perspective. Gotta keep up my devotion... :) 我要單單以祢為樂, 做祢眼中的義人, 教導我, 主!

6.2.10 3:20PM