親情 + intercession

親情跟友情果真是有差的... (:


這趟上台中時間相當短, 只是星期五晚上10pm到, 星期六8:35pm姐跟姐夫送我到客運坐車... 本來是預期最主要可以看到Sophie, 跟她catch up... but it didn't happen... >< but i thank God for the opportunity i had w/ sabrina! ^^ so much has happened to her, and i'm glad for the changes! (: bless her and the family!!!!!!


well... 這趟要跟姐姐跟姐夫告別時, 有莫名的難過... 忽然發現, 親情的不同是.... 只要我們多花一點點的時間再一起 (這次真的就約14小時吧, 扣掉睡眠時間), 感情就會培養. 雖然我們感情已經很好了, 但是畢竟過去幾年都是偶而回來才碰面... 真正這樣住在台灣的情況下, 能一起在個週末小聚一起, 這個分離竟就有莫名的... 感傷.~ oh! they bought a house! hehe sth new! i was fortunate to see it before it got remodeled! lol


回來坐客運本來想看個片子的.. (cuz usually they have good films showing), 不過... 竟然在最前面走道的位置沒有mini TV screen? @@ ANYHOW, i thought it was a sign that God wanted me to intercede (cuz... He knows that i will not doze, had to stay up til i got back so i could sleep through the night!) and so i DID! so grateful that i did... spent the time to get close w/ God, felt the presence of Him surrounding me, and..... guess what, i felt God was guiding my prayers to some directions i never thought of =D it felt SOOO awesome to know that the Spirit GUIDES and crystalizes my prayer directions........ it's like, you KNOW it's HIM who made you think that way, and led you toward that direction!!!! what an amazingly wondrous thing that ONLY the majestic and awesome CREATOR can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) indeed, who is like HIM! i truly hope to see the fruits coming out of those prayers.... and glorify the One who is worthy of all the praises! =D

how much do you need others' consent?

當我需要別人的肯定的事上, 就代表我不是很有信心.... 表達有時是想要安慰, 想要肯定, 想要被看重, 想要被瞭解, 想要被聽見, 或是想抗議... 人真的是很複雜的, 因為需要一直在, 而唯有安靜下來去發掘自己內心的聲音, 才能健康, 平衡的往前進. 認識到自己有複雜情感的我, 希望能找到個願意陪我面對生命中, 每一段微小但想要被瞭解的心境.


Side note: 因為工作, 我的小拇指莫名的疼痛... 右手腕也是某個角度很不舒服... 喉嚨上也似乎怪怪的, 連吞口水都痛 @@ 不到30, 即使常運動, 也難免面對身體的不適啊!!! Time to come to You, Lord!

開始想念美國的生活了

當初是帶著滿心的期待回來台灣... 我也真是算是適應滿快的. 機車駕照, 工廠粗重工作, 迫切找教會&小組等的... 一切都算是動作滿快的, 可是... 也認識了另一方面的自己, 那就是... 後知後覺的想念起美國了&面對reversed cultural shock. 畢竟我生命中有一半的時間是在國外吧... 文化上, 表達上, 思考上, 其實是很individualism... 不是好不好的問題, 而是那已經是part of time... deep-seated. 我掙扎於..... 根深蒂固的一些思考邏輯已經不同於台灣慣有的傳統上, 或者是, 我家族的傳統上. 我知道信主的人應該不是活在這世界裡, 而是above this.... but I still struggle, how much I should compromise, how much I should hold it... or let it out~ 真的很矛盾... 我完全能明白我哥的經歷... 雖然我在情緒處理上比他好一點... 但是我也有我矛盾的點, 而...... 對於沒經歷過這種掙扎的人, 是不能明白的... 也某方面來說, 可能很難接納或明白....


今天看著幾張幾年前小組人一起照的相... 我以慶幸自己能跳脫出一個團體模式.... 但是, 同時想起在另一個團體模式, 這種跳脫反倒成為異類. 用健康/教育 (critical thinking) 的角度來看, 我知道這沒有不好, 只是感受上, 覺得自己好像是孤單的. 遇到這種情形, 我就會特別想到K.... 因為她能讓自己即使在感受上, 也能因為頭腦清醒跟理智的成熟度上, 想像她會告訴我"這是好的..... 沒有關係, 是他們不懂...." haha 朋友好像真的會彼此受牽制跟影響... 我某方面覺得她很不夠意思, 在友誼連絡上這麼被動到積極的我都有點受挫了, 卻有覺得她卻是很能瞭解我跟安慰我的知心.... k... i won't hold my grudges, will track her down AGAIN.


Where are my true friends, I ask myself.... or where have I placed my entire trust on? (:

Red Box

I miss Red Box... renting movie for $1.09 US dollar! =D It's convenient, it's fair, and it's a practical way for entertainment! Even Taiwan's movie renting isn't as cheap as Red Box!!!! Sth I started missing heaps... also, SOUPLANTATION!!!!! >< Still receive its coupons once in a while (drooling....... ><)


Been to two small groups in Dayspring~ Liked both. Although they gave me distinct feelings, I see their strength... ahem, should I continue checking out the rest of the two groups, or should I just settle with one of them? 想到蔡牧師說過一句經典的話, "如果（我）夠成熟的話, 應該是什麼人都可以接受（結婚）" - 當然不是說伴侶隨便去路邊找就可以結婚, 但是他講到個重點: 越成熟的人, 能夠搭配且擁有美好婚姻的人就更廣, 更不會受限制. 雖然當時大家都聽聽/講講笑笑, 但是我可是打從心裡贊成他的說法... 心胸寬廣, 健康的人能接納的人更多, 能配合的人更多... =) 同樣的邏輯也可以應用在這裡 -- 其實待在哪個小組也可以不是重點... 他們各有我覺得小組某些好的特點, 分別是組員的屬靈成熟度 + 真誠/transparent. 認真想想, 我現在最想要小組的東西是甚麼呢? 1) 屬靈同伴 2) 可以給與/服事的人. 用這個觀點來看, 我......... 還是覺得不太確定. Karen曾建議說要看哪裡有potential的弟兄多 =p 可是我卻也覺得人看跟 神預備不一定成正比... 所以也是無解. 最近看猶大書看到不要做倚靠血氣的人, 所以... Lord, I lift this up to You... enlighten me and show me the path. I trust You, Lord!!!!!!

what to do to keep a relationship steady and healthy!

L - listening
O - overlook (each other's flaws, faults...)
V - voice
E - effort


ha also the story of 阿美雞, 鬼告你, 罪惡, 肉藍, 斯仔... 誰最有榮譽? lol what a test.....

fatigue

everyday i keep myself well occupied... not doing it on purpose, it just happened to be this way @@ factory's workload gets really intense, though i usually don't work from 9am whereas theoretically it's 8am, and my nap is normally a bit longer too comparing to our factory's 師傅s =p i still get so worn out every night before i hit the sack~ last night all my family members didn't get to take showers until 9pm where all four of us were scurrying into bathrooms~ well, as a matter of fact, had to take turns since we only got two on our floor, but you got my point!


so...... my body is full of ... bruises & wounds! -_- 被5大片木板因為滑下撞擊到整個左大腿... 大腿上打到的裂痕看起來像是家暴受傷的瘀青 @@ 游泳老師整個嚇到~~ 為了剝木屑中的小削, 指頭邊破層皮... 跳上跳下攪機器時不小心左腳腕扭傷... 右腳上莫名地出現破洞... 一直沒解決的濕疹也擴散到兩大腿及左右手臂 @@ the good thing is... i found the yoga getting its efficacy! =D i seem to find the practicality applicable in my daily life! hoho how i get up better; how i was using my body flexibility to achieve certain needs with less difficulty; how i sorta found its relevance connected to the "combo" dance i've learnt so long ago... ha, finally see all the points connected more and more! this made me more gleeful! w00t!


grandma's memorial service is tmr! but today's the day she passed away... and guess what, one of my nephew was born today! coincidence? praise the One who ordains! =D Thank You Jesus!

台南晨光教會

第一次去晨光教會, 感覺很像VOH~ 可能是因為自由敬拜的方式很像吧... 感覺裡頭的裝潢超漂亮的, 連小孩的堂&playground都很光鮮亮麗 (: 不過能這樣釋放地在台南找到個用英文敬拜的教會也真是難得....~ 不過路途真的遙遠....... 雖然比起美國, 半小時不算甚麼, 但以在炙熱的日光下騎機車半小時, 這還是有點距離地 (以台南人的思考邏輯). 這週沒有機會聽到主任牧師的講道, 不過期待星期五的小組跟下週senior pastor's sermon! 可能我之前太想著"條件", 所以一有消息就忍不住想分享... 但是現在覺得話不要說太滿, 一切都等到方向比較確定再說囉... 好多決定要做, 主, 讓我愛祢, 單單愛祢... 以至於我的決定是由"愛祢的心"出發!

Learning Piano~

I seriously don't get how jazz chords move~!! Even though I enjoy its beauty and freedom, I don't know how to play them.... @@ Speaking of piano, Dr. Chang is one of a kind classical piano teacher whom I was fortunate to learn from. Though tardiness is one of my pet peeves, and his unpunctuality has really gotten on my wick! >< Nevertheless, he indeed has inspired me so much.... I've not SOO been aspired and urged to practice classical piano since... 10?! Yet he made me yearning to practice even just ETUDE!!!!!!!! @@ It became so fun playing it..... He is truly amazing..... not only his playing, but I highly value his proficient teaching/interpretation of music.. not to mention his skillful technique at such age (30 sth?) Anyhow... I wish I can find a jazz piano teacher like him who can motivate me to see the new outlook of jazz piano... in a simpler way that I understand how to apply! (:

一年過一半了! @@

Seriously... 我嚇到了! 昨天看著新聞說, 交通局糊塗地將罰單輸入進6/31... 讓民眾傻眼不知該如何回應... 因為一般會等到30後才處理, 可能就發現已經逾期付費了... (傻眼的一則新聞) 那時我才忽然驚醒.... 7月了.... >< 怎麼這麼快2010已經過半年去了...... 啊~~~ 主啊, 是老了嘛, 怎麼對於時間消逝地怎麼快有感嘆呢?! I really need to use my time wisely!