Nowadays people don't really write blogs, they just use fb to express or to vent... but I still consider blog more private and personal, though I doubt many read. =p (at least I now know Isabel and EricH read! :)
SO... today I'm gonna vent about sth too. 現在想要去別的教會走走, 除了因為要回台灣所以真的想觀察其他地教會外, 其實.... 也在VOH遇到挫折. 很多的層面, 不論是服事, 人際關係, 自己的矛盾, 跟.... 同工. 全部都來了..... 一個東西跨不過去還可以, 所有都來的話, 以去年我忙碌的程度, 我只想逃... 不想去面對, 不想去想, 因為我釐不清. 總覺得沒法改變, 對於一些不太好的文化, 我已經到沒有辦法忍受的程度了.. 但卻無法簡簡單單的說出來 (I'll do it if I could)..... yes I agree comparing to many other Chinese churches, VOH doesn't have much politics, which I appreciate it, but.. there're changes that NEED to be made, 可是.. 如果上面無法改變, 下面真的很難做... 其實"影響"的人應該自己不知道問題, 只是當他自己..... but sth's wrong! >< Maybe I'm judging right now, but I feel stuck... because of the way that person does things... I used to think it's just how VOH does things, 可能我已經being an insider太久了... 所以覺得正常. ANYWAYZ, my job.... is to not hold grudges against anyone, and try to overcome though I go to other churches right now. Need to broaden my perspectives on things and adjust my lifestyle. Honestly, thinking about going back to Taiwan takes courage too... 可能別人覺得我很確定所有的事情了, 可是... I know I'm leaving my comfort zone, stepping into a world that I'm not quite sure how it will lay out. Couple days ago, I somewhat felt like I'm going into a mission field... either being a workplace warrior or just generally speaking - my forthcoming days being a mission field for me; maybe LiLi was right, God has prepared me to do sth greater. For now, I just need to go w/ my instinct and my sense - to spend more time w/ my family, to be closer with them, and to do what a daughter gotta do for parents who have nurtured her all their lives with tons of investments (bucks!), and also, to change my life. 開始膩了美國的生活, 每天忙碌的步調. 我還是願意服事 神, 但我希望我的motives重新被調整. 完全不是為自己的喜好, 自己的滿足, 但單單為愛我的 神... 純粹是因為想為 神做些事情, 滿足 神... none about me but all about Him. :) 本來有想過要寫封信跟些同工及其他Daniels提到現在沒有在VOH聚會的事, 但是.... 某人提醒我.... "people would ask when they care.... 有時多解釋會越描越黑." Um... VOHers rarely ask.. I don't know if people hear it from others... but I think I get pass that now - as well realize how much care I receive from VOH ^^". I just wish that I would care about others genuinely in church... not being fake. Make calls to ask how others are doing when I wonder or I question... instead of relying on others' for 'answers.'
距離五月可以說長也短, 我要好好珍惜回去前的這段時間. PTL! :)
SO... today I'm gonna vent about sth too. 現在想要去別的教會走走, 除了因為要回台灣所以真的想觀察其他地教會外, 其實.... 也在VOH遇到挫折. 很多的層面, 不論是服事, 人際關係, 自己的矛盾, 跟.... 同工. 全部都來了..... 一個東西跨不過去還可以, 所有都來的話, 以去年我忙碌的程度, 我只想逃... 不想去面對, 不想去想, 因為我釐不清. 總覺得沒法改變, 對於一些不太好的文化, 我已經到沒有辦法忍受的程度了.. 但卻無法簡簡單單的說出來 (I'll do it if I could)..... yes I agree comparing to many other Chinese churches, VOH doesn't have much politics, which I appreciate it, but.. there're changes that NEED to be made, 可是.. 如果上面無法改變, 下面真的很難做... 其實"影響"的人應該自己不知道問題, 只是當他自己..... but sth's wrong! >< Maybe I'm judging right now, but I feel stuck... because of the way that person does things... I used to think it's just how VOH does things, 可能我已經being an insider太久了... 所以覺得正常. ANYWAYZ, my job.... is to not hold grudges against anyone, and try to overcome though I go to other churches right now. Need to broaden my perspectives on things and adjust my lifestyle. Honestly, thinking about going back to Taiwan takes courage too... 可能別人覺得我很確定所有的事情了, 可是... I know I'm leaving my comfort zone, stepping into a world that I'm not quite sure how it will lay out. Couple days ago, I somewhat felt like I'm going into a mission field... either being a workplace warrior or just generally speaking - my forthcoming days being a mission field for me; maybe LiLi was right, God has prepared me to do sth greater. For now, I just need to go w/ my instinct and my sense - to spend more time w/ my family, to be closer with them, and to do what a daughter gotta do for parents who have nurtured her all their lives with tons of investments (bucks!), and also, to change my life. 開始膩了美國的生活, 每天忙碌的步調. 我還是願意服事 神, 但我希望我的motives重新被調整. 完全不是為自己的喜好, 自己的滿足, 但單單為愛我的 神... 純粹是因為想為 神做些事情, 滿足 神... none about me but all about Him. :) 本來有想過要寫封信跟些同工及其他Daniels提到現在沒有在VOH聚會的事, 但是.... 某人提醒我.... "people would ask when they care.... 有時多解釋會越描越黑." Um... VOHers rarely ask.. I don't know if people hear it from others... but I think I get pass that now - as well realize how much care I receive from VOH ^^". I just wish that I would care about others genuinely in church... not being fake. Make calls to ask how others are doing when I wonder or I question... instead of relying on others' for 'answers.'
距離五月可以說長也短, 我要好好珍惜回去前的這段時間. PTL! :)
you've been in voh for about wut 10+ years right? thats a long time... sigh... for some reason, i always see similar descriptions about problems that co-workers suffer in church... hope you can enjoy the time in LA now, and be back to Taiwan with joy and confidence... you are a brave girl ^_^
ReplyDeleteyup yup it's been like... all my lifetime in the US so far! haha almost 13~14 yrs. :) But I love Pastor Kwan & Mrs. Kwan very much.... they're indeed godly people that I look up to. But you know, no church is perfect... 其實我不是不能接受缺點, 只是希望能有空間可以沒有限制的說出來而大家願意改變~ 或許我也用自己的timeline來看VOH吧.... but I guess I can't do much right now other than loving the church and praying for changes. :) Tks for the encouragement Isabel! God bless YOU & your FAMILY too! :)
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